Hosting Provider Ghosted You?
(We Sue Disappearing Chickens)

🚨 24/7 Chicken Hotline

🏦 Server Hostage Recovery

When providers:
✓ Take your money and ✈️fly south
✓ Claim "bankruptcy" (but bought a new yacht)
✓ Hold your data hostage with 💸 "ransom fees"

"Saul made HostFast.cluck release my data! 5/5 beak marks!"
- Jimmy "I Miss My MySQL" McGill

🕵️ Chicken Run Investigations

We hunt down:
✓ "Reliable hosts" who mysteriously vanish faster than your ex after taking your money
✓ CEOs with "temporary technical issues" (code for "we're emptying the bank accounts")
✓ Servers that go offline faster than their PayPal accounts get frozen (always in that order)
* We traced missing chickens to encrypted nests even Colonel Sanders couldn’t crack!

🔥 Botnet Rooster Rodeo

When DDoS attacks are just digital chicken swarms:

  
                while (provider.lies()) {
  
                  saul.sue(provider, {chicken: true});
  
                }

Need Feather-Ruffling Justice?

* "Involucrated" not a real legal term (yet). Not valid in jurisdictions that recognize chicken sovereignty, which is apparently a thing now. Past performance ≠ future results unless servers literally cluck, which would actually be an improvement over most customer service.

** Our lawyers made us add this disclaimer. They're chickens too.